Favorite Wife, Escape From Polygamy

By Susan Ray Schmidt

Reviewed by Russell Y. Anderson
On 1/28/2010

The Lyons Press, 2009 Trade Paperback:
411 pages
ISBN-10: 1-59921-494-6
ISBN-13: 978-1-59921-494-8 Price: $16.95

This same book was published in 2006 under the title His Favorite Wife, Trapped in Polygamy. This edition has some additional details at the end of the book.

This is written as a true account of the life of Susan Ray who became the sixth wife of Velan LeBaron, although it reads more like a novel with her at the center of the action as it describes the challenges of living polygamy and the leadership conflicts in The Church of the Firstborn of the Fullness of Times. As some events unfold it seems improbable that she should happen to be in the middle of the action. She explains that the presentation of the facts has been adjusted slightly:

"While the events related here are factual, for brevity's sake and for story flow I've take the liberty of compiling, on rare occasions, two separate events into one. In a couple of minor instances, I've place myself as present during an incident when in reality I heard the details from eyewitnesses."

This is an interesting and exciting look into the lives of those that lived the polygamous lifestyle. They felt it was their religious duty and would lead to great rewards in heaven. They felt that the roots of their beliefs came from Joseph Smith and that the Mormon church in Utah had strayed from the true doctrine. Joel LeBaron was the eldest of the five brothers and was considered to be the "One Mighty and Strong" that was suppose to lead the church after his father had passed the keys to him (before father LeBaron's death).

Susan's brother Jay was reminded that "the young girls in the church were being raised to be plural wives to the older men." Jay was supposed to "go out into the world and convert a wife." Susan explains that, "As a young woman of the church I had the privilege of selecting my husband. It was my right, as it was the right of all the single girls. Unlike the men, we women only married once. so naturally we got to choose which of the men we wanted to be our spiritual head. I had to make sure I chose a man who was devoted to God and the church, and as the wife of a godly man, my place in heaven would be secure."

The young girls were not of marriageable age until they were 15, but some of Susan's friends were already engaged at 14. Susan "planned to finish school and to have some fun before I settle down to have my family." Susan had dated Lane who already had one wife and the first wife, Estela, was very jealous. Susan realized that she couldn't marry him and comments, "If I was just dating him for the fun of it, I was out of line. You just didn't date a married man for the fun of it, not in Colonia LeBaron. In fairness to both Lane and Estela, I needed to break it off."

Susan had a very specific dream that gave her guidance in choosing her future husband and to avoid Verlan's brother Ervil (represented by a snake in the dream). Susan was interested in Verlan LeBaron who was the president of the quorum of twelve apostles. Susan was excited to learn that Verlan had asked her father for permission to court her. They started to exchange love letters since he wasn't in Colonia LeBaron very much of the time. Ervil LeBaron (the Church Patriarch) asked to speak to Susan and told her that he had a revelation that she should marry him (and suggested that dreams didn't compare to revelations). She wrote to Verlan and stopped their correspondence and courtship. She tried to get used to the idea of marrying Ervil who was also planning to marry her good friend, Debbie.

Hoping to see Verlan before church conference, Susan instead was introduced to Irene, his second wife. She finally told Irene what had been troubling her about Ervil and his desire to marry her. Irene replied, "I can't believe the gall of that man! In the first place, he has no business claiming a revelation about you or any woman. You, as a woman of the church, have the right to expect you own personal revelation, directly from God about whom you should marry. It's your life, and it's your choice, and I don't care if Ervil claims to be the King of Sheba, he had no right to try and manipulate you." She also advised, "Whoever you marry, make sure you love the guy. If you don't, you'll never be able to put up with this way of life."

After hearing about what Ervil had done, Verlan knew that he couldn't leave Susan alone in Colonia LeBaron. He asked her to marry him on Sunday. That meant that she had to get ready to be married in two days. In the middle of the wedding reception, all the men of the church (including Verlan) disappeared because they had another meeting they needed to attend. The meeting continued well into the night and Susan comments, "My wedding night was certainly turning out differently than I had thought it would. . . I had expected to spend it with my husband."

She didn't see her husband that night and was awakened the next morning as he told her that she needed to get ready to travel. And so started a married life where she never saw much of her husband. With demands of the church, his work in Las Vegas, and the other wives -- Verlan just didn't have enough time or resources to go around.

For the first part of their honeymoon trip they had traveled with friends and so she was relieved to finally have her husband alone when they got on the train for Tijuana. But she was shocked to hear this from Verlan, "Susan, sweetheart, we are going to have to be a bit discreet. you see, these people traveling with us won't understand if they see us like this all cuddled together. They'll figure you're too young to be my wife, so you must be my girlfriend. See what I mean? We wouldn't want to give the wrong impression, would we? We're suppose to be an example to the world. We better let them think you're my daughter. Don't you agree?"

She had received $10 as a wedding present from her parents to buy some shoes. But when they went to the shoe store, Verlan picked out shoes which she didn't like, and strongly encouraged her to try them on. Once it was determined that the shoes did fit, Verlan bought the shoes and kept the change. She held her tongue, but she was furious. She comments, "My pride, my understanding of male chivalry, and mostly, my romantic ideas of love--were being shattered."

As you read this book you are drawn into the feelings and turmoil that comes from living in polygamy. Even though Susan was sometimes identified as the Favorite Wife, she always knew that she had no legal claim to Verlan and in fact he had no legal claim to their children either.

This story draws you into the pain and suffering that is compounded when you share a husband with other wives all trying to get by without hardly any resources and your husband usually gone. After watching Verlan leave to spend time alone with one wife, Susan chided herself for being selfish. "I was being silly! He wasn't just mine and I'd have to get used to it, just as Charlotte had to get used to all the other wives--just as she was getting used to me. Plural marriage wasn't easy, but that's the way the Lord planned it. He had given us the opportunity to overcome our petty, childish jealousies, an opportunity that other people in the world didn't have. We would grow in selflessness and love for our fellow man--or woman, as the case was here. We would be conquerors. We would get the prize, the Celestial kingdom." I believe that Susan could have built on that concept if she had a husband nearby and some basic comforts of life.

Even though she had to suffer, at least one of Verlan's wives had it worse. She had to live in a tent with her children for a couple of cold months while they were building her a house in Los Molinos. The wives never had indoor plumbing and many comforts that we take for granted. When Susan asked one of Joel's wives how she could stand to live in such poverty, she replied, "How can you call the wealth of two precious children and a wonderful husband, poverty? It won't always be like this. Sometimes we have to sacrifice material possessions for things of greater value. We have to earn our blessing, Suze, and I'm grateful for the chance to earn mine. you need to look beyond what the eye can see and concentrate on your heavenly throne."

The book outlines how she lived in Ensenada and then Los Molinos on the Baja Pennisula, then Colonia LeBaron, Nicaragua and finally how she escaped to be with her cousins in Utah. She describes living in very poor conditions although Verlan would eventually build her a house only to be uprooted and moved again to poor, impoverished conditions. She describes a time when it was her turn to have Verlan stay with her for the night. She fixes a nice meal and he doesn't arrive until after midnight.

Susan started to lose faith in her life and marriage. Beverly, another wife. said to her, "If you haven't already figured it out, I may as well warn you. As Verlan's wife, you have no say whatever in what he does or who he marries. You just have to hang on and like it or lump it." Susan blurted out, "We women have feelings and needs, too--just like men do. But we give up our rights once we become a wife to one of the brethren. How is it fair that a man gets to have so much freedom, and yet a woman of the church has no rights at all? Does God love His sons so much more than His daughters? Is that it?" She later says, "Why can't I be like Lucy and Irene, just accept things and be happy? What's wrong with me?" Interestingly, Irene has written a couple books about her experience. The first was Shattered Dreams: My Life as a Polygamist's Wife.

Susan left Verlan in November of 1976, and he died in a suspicious auto accident in 1981. "Of his ten wives, only six remained with him until his death." Susan remarried and lived with her husband for 29 years until he died of a heart attack in Idaho in 2008. She had 5 children with Verlan and 7 children total.

It becomes clear throughout the book that this life puts a great deal of stress on their marriage and the love that they feel. Although at times Susan expresses great faith in the growth opportunity of plural marriage, you begin to wonder if anyone can stand up under these pressures. You might wonder if they could have been successful if the families had stayed together and had an income source or church obligations that didn't require the husband to be far away. Would it have been possible to live plural marriage under better circumstances? We may never know. Regardless, this book gives us a good glimpse into the lives of these families who have tried to live a very difficult principle of marriage and family.


Copyright 2010